To me anxiety was just another word describing a temporary elevated level of stress. She is medicated. I met my psychologist yesterday again and decided to tell you this :Please get professional help against your anxiety and past trauma,what happened between us is beyond your control and I want you to know that you shouldnt feel guilty-it wasnt you ,it is the other you ,its beyond you and thats explains why I am not mad because I understood it,but distance was my enemy and I was too late to get to you ,but please go see a psychiatric,otherwise it will never stop ,and you will do it again to the next guy you meet ,and who knows,maybe the outcome will not be as quiet and peaceful as what we had and he will be violent and even hurt you more ,do not wait for **** ,I understood it from the beginning but I am not a professional and thought that with time you would give more trust,but it was a dead end from the beginning ,you had done nothing wrong ,you lost your feelings because of your anxiety ,it wasnt about me or the real you ,it wasnt the real you ,I texted you not because I am desperate or needy,but because I care ,and I hope that this time you will fight this urge to get mad on me over it ,leaving you alone without telling you what I know is wrong ,and you need to know what I know ,I care and wants the best for someone I cared about ,despite what your brain and the other you tells you to do, give it a shoot ,you cant deal with it alone and it will never stop . Unfortunately we had an overlapping issue of a close family member getting engaged, which lead to a questioning of our own lack of engagement. Lakeisha, thank you for sharing! For better or worse through sickness and in health These are the words that play in my head when my wifes High Functioning Anxiety erupts into our lives and threatens the very foundation of our marriage. All rights reserved. I have moved out of my house numerous times during our 3 pregnancies. Physical intimidation. I just now texted her telling her I think I have anxiety and have had it for a long time. The love of my life has been struggling with anxiety for years. I am so glad to hear that you have had successes managing your anxiety in the past. Here are the behaviors to look out for: 1. I hope that you find some guidance from a therapist who can get to know you personally. They might also complain about having nightmares and feeling tired all the time. I feel like I have to stifle my feelings whenever we talk on the phone and make commonplace conversation like you would with a neighbor. :(. I lost my job due to CFS/ME, Fibromyalgia, underactive thyroid and the conditions above. Perfectionists often feel that they must always be strong and in control of their emotions. I myself had severe anxiety many years ago dealt wih it in counseling. If anything I feel better knowing it is anxiety and depression as its something to work with however scary. I cant stop overthinking everything and I keep asking my self questions like do I still love him Do I want to be with him for the rest of my life and so many more thats making me lose my mind because i didnt have these feelings before my anxiety kicked in. I am a caregiver and cannot go back to work either, but he wants me to take over. Mainly due to the ages of our children, we decided not to relocate the family, and I simply travel home at every single opportunity I have. During our second session we talked about my childhood. i got mad said ok. And he said you see if i had any doubt about divorce you just confirmed it. Its anxietys fault, and you have the power to chose to rise above the suffering! I am going through this exact thing and need help before its too late for my relationship. Maybe youre bummed because you meant to take a trip abroad by this time in your life, it hasn't happened for whatever reason, and youeven if jokinglyfeel uncultured. Stop seeking reassurance One of the most common things that people with anxiety do is seek reassurance. You're not a team because her mind is fighting against her and this the relationship. Yes, I recognize I wasnt strong enough to give him the support he needed. my advice to you would be to just let her be. But it led to massive anxiety attacks, loss of trust and deterioration of health in the second year of our relationship. Ive been dealing with my girlfriends anxiety for a bout 7 years off and on, we have a 6 year old together I have learned throughout the years how to comply with her and her situation but man oh man it has been hard on me , I am like her punching bag not physically but just verbally. FIND ONE AND START BEING ON THE PILL, and doubts about my future and past WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS. We spent years going from therapist to therapist to try to discover the reason behind my sexual difficulties. They can help your partner, which you cannot and shouldnt. Learn more. Reading your words it seems like my own thoughts , i had the same , and almost destroyed and buried myself , my ex left me two years ago and i suffered a lot but then when i met my current boyfriend i broke up with him leaving him confused and hurt , i broke up with him even though he was a great guy with a big heart able to put up with my ****, but shortly after that i went and started meeting a psychiatrist who put me on meds that cleared my brain and fixed my relationship. I try to get a sense that my wife is supportive but she always refers back to herself and how she cant cope. I have PTSD. What can I tell you , she would tell him that she misses him and love him, and when he would answer her with the same coin she would call him obsessed ,she would get aggressive with him testing him here and there, and he kept calm and cool 99% of the time, make no mistakes, in his past he was special forces,and I know a little about the places he had been, he got his own trauma because of it, but he never allowed it to controll him Your anxious partner will more likely be sensitive and perceptive to their surroundings. I have an appointment set to see a counselor next month, and I want to push through this because I know deep down I love him with my whole heart. I am at peace in moving forward and revisiting in 3 to 6 months as advised by our therapist. Plus, your emotions may eventually spiral out of control if you keep them in. Become hostile and agressive. That was there already before we got together in 2009. I honestly dont know what to do with everything that goes on in my head envolving her and then there is also university and the final project and not knowing what the future will bring. Lean on friends and family for support 4. Its been 3 months of almost no contact, but then we slowly started communicating with confusion, but care for each other. The positive thing is that if you are with someone who truly loves you they will love you and stay by your side for better or worse, anxiety or not. 20 Expert-Approved Ways To Stop Overthinking Your Relationship. I have thoughts in my head that dont make sense once i calm down. She has got anxiety and she is always unsecure of her decision to be with me in spite of the fact that I didnt do anything wrong. My thoughts were very random and all over the place. we just broke up I feel bad for us but I feel she cant change..because I truly love her but love is not enough. Lu, thank you for reading. Im struggling to decide what to do about my marriage to a similar person. Stupid is how I blame myself, because I cant realize if I love her or not after that time we drifed apart, even now that we are together. We are both happy and both are comfortable. In my mind as if I were to cry she was shameful for what she has done and what I thought in my head (her flirting with another man in front of me) came to light. Fears associated with vulnerability should lessen with increased exposure." 2. Hiding things (like texting in secret or staying out late and being vague). He has given up on counseling and refuses to go on meds. 6 ways to help a friend with depression or anxiety Learn about what your friend is going through. svetikd via Getty Images Anxiety causes you to reject things that are not dangerous and avoid things that might benefit you. I hope that you have a supportive therapist to help with this. When you feel overwhelmed, your partner may feel as though you arent present. For the past year I have been dealing with severe on/off anxiety & depression. The past leaks and it collides with our life today. And they are perfectly entitled as an autonomous and sovereign adult to choose not to meet your request without being a bad person, as you are perfectly entitled to say that when a dealbreaker issue cant be resolved, then you may no longer need to be in relationship with that person. It is incredibly painful to try to connect and support one another when anxiety tries to keep you apart, especially with so many other things happening in life. He absolutely refuses to give up on me or the relationship he truly loves me wholeheartedly and I am happy to have him. As a spouse of someone who suffers with extreme anxiety, I can say my physical health has suffered, and I am starting to show signs of trauma response. A healthy form of worry will tell you something isnt right; it comes via that quick pull at your heart or that tight feeling in your stomach. In addition non processed and GMO food. My poor boyfriend has been so patient. Your anxiety is an ongoing issue in your life you say you've always had it which means that you need to learn better ways of managing it. I enjoy my job but I see other opportunities paying more and I just want to make enough so that I can afford my upcoming mortgage or save for the future. At last i told him to block me to be on my own and heal. Hi Teddy, It is probably through nothing that you have done but the anxiety has taken over. So much that I wanted anxiety gone more than I wanted his love. You developed trust issues and cannot forgive and rebuild your trust.8. They tell you, you need to get away because something is going to crash soon. I know these problems are not really first world problems and I shouldnt be complaining. God bless you, its not that easy trust me, anxiety is a b**** NO ONE SAID IT IS EASY every time I try to have fun or be happy there it goes, interrupting my thoughts and feeling them with worry -DO YOU SEE A DOCTOR ?A PSYCHOLOGIST? She was in hospital for two months. We hold in our obsessive thoughts and destructive thinking not realizing our anxiety gets worse. I need to end it, I cant handle it anymore. Men love your wifes and help them find help with their anxiety/depression do your best to understand their condition and help them find peace within themselves. If she says anything, agree and amplify. Communication is key to a close relationship. Im curious where you are with this three years later. Sadly I have consistently been hitting these all during my 10 + year relationship with my partner. Hi, Do I love him enough? I appreciate this post as I now struggle with this due to several abandonment issues in past. Im sorry youre going through this. here is part of what i wrote, ill love to know what you guys think, i am sorry if i sounded arrogant , it wasnt what i meant , and i apologize if i sounded like that.. Now he is better , travelling a lot and doing what he likes to do, and in few days he will go to her city again and start his new business, while maintaining silence and not contacting her again, respecting her wish to be left alone and not to hear from him again, that required nerves of steel if you ask me. Rather than relying on your partner to shoulder all the feelings and stressors you're navigating, which may in turn make them feel uneasy about sharing their own beef, find a therapist to work with. All addictions create anxiety because we continue to put our hand on the stove. She never admitted it. Dont waste your time if she doesnt want to change, you will be damaged for a long time. The biggest issue in relationships is not giving space and time to think along with everyday life and this creates serious mental health mainly anxiety in the first instance. Staying with a person who has anxiety is tough, the person with anxiety has the obligation to be worthy of that effort. The bulk of our discussions had to do with my feelings of a perceived rejection from my partner with me , for reasons that I wont go into right now. The question I fight over all the time is do I fancy him? This obviously filled me with worry and I wanted to help as much as I could, which just resulted in being pushed away even further (but now I do understand why). The only way to help a person who has anxiety, is to tell her , sorry, I cannot accept this anymore, I know its not easy for you, but if you want us to be happy, I ask you to tell the truth to a doctor and a psychiatrist, I love you and good luck . 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